Why It Matters That Both Partners Feel Supported in Couples Therapy
One of the most important things to me as a couples counselor is that both partners feel genuinely supported in our work together. I often say that therapy isn’t about finding out who’s “right” or “wrong,” it’s about understanding how each person’s experience, history, and emotional needs are shaping the dynamic between them today. When couples come into therapy, they’re usually carrying pain, frustration, and sometimes even fear. Each person has their version of what’s happening and why, and both perspectives matter deeply. The work we do together isn’t about determining which story is more accurate — it’s about uncovering what’s underneath those stories and helping each partner feel safe enough to share their truth without fear of being judged or dismissed.
Holding Space for Both People
Creating balance in the room is one of my central priorities. I pay careful attention to how I respond, where my focus goes, and how I phrase things. I want both partners to feel seen and understood, not evaluated. When one partner feels I’m siding with the other, even unintentionally, it can create a sense of isolation or mistrust. And when that happens, the healing process slows down. Couples therapy works best when both people trust that the space belongs equally to them — that they are both valued, both heard, and both invited to grow. The truth is, relationships don’t break down because one person is “the problem.” They falter because of patterns that two people co-create, often unconsciously, over time. Those patterns might involve communication struggles, emotional disconnection, or protective strategies that once kept them safe but no longer serve them. My role is to help both partners notice those patterns together and understand how each person’s feelings, fears, and reactions contribute to the cycle.
Avoiding Triangulation
Something I hold firm boundaries around in my practice is triangulation; the dynamic where one partner tries to pull me in as an ally against the other. It can happen subtly, often out of pain or fear. A partner might say, “Don’t you see how unreasonable they’re being?” or look to me for validation that they’re “right.” I always understand where that impulse comes from. When someone has been feeling unheard or invalidated for a long time, it’s natural to seek support. But if I step into that triangle, even with the best intentions, it reinforces a pattern of opposition rather than connection. It creates winners and losers instead of partners working together. Instead, I redirect that energy back into curiosity. I might say, “I can see how strongly you feel about this; can we slow down and help your partner understand what’s happening for you in this moment?” That shift invites empathy rather than defensiveness. It helps both people step out of the cycle of blame and into the deeper emotional work that leads to healing.
Supporting the Relationship, Not Only the Individuals
Sometimes people think of couples therapy as “two individuals in a room with a referee.” But that’s not how I see it. I hold the relationship itself as a kind of third entity, something alive between the two people, something that also needs care and attention. Each partner has their own needs, boundaries, and emotional wounds, of course, and those matter enormously. But I also focus on how they interact, how each person’s way of reaching for love or protection affects the other. Supporting both partners equally means I’m also supporting the space between them, the emotional bridge that connects them and allows intimacy to flourish. When that bridge is damaged, we work to repair it. That might mean learning new ways to listen, practicing gentler communication, or rebuilding trust after it’s been broken. It’s vulnerable work, and it takes courage from both people. My job is to make sure neither partner feels alone in that process.
A Gentle, Equal Partnership in Healing
My hope in every session is that both partners walk away feeling heard and cared for, even if it’s been a hard conversation. Sometimes that means slowing things down, checking in with how each person is feeling, or naming when something in the room feels unbalanced.
Therapy isn’t about perfect symmetry; sometimes one partner is more vocal, more ready, or more aware of what they need. But over time, the goal is to create more equilibrium, where both people feel empowered to show up authentically and compassionately.
Supporting both partners equally isn’t just a professional stance for me, it’s a reflection of my deepest belief about love and connection. It’s about taking all I have experienced with each couple I am honored to journey with, what I have found in my doctoral research of relational dynamics, and what I have experienced as a partner myself with my husband of 18 years. Every relationship has two truths, two perspectives, and two hearts doing their best to find their way back to each other. My role is to hold both of those hearts with care, compassion, and fairness, so that healing can happen not against each other, but together.
About the Author
Kathryn Fayle, MA, LPC, NCC, CSAT, is the founder of Resilient Mind Counseling and Coaching, PLLC, a group practice serving Baytown, Mont Belvieu, Beach City, and the Greater Houston Area, as well as clients online. As a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Kathryn specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from betrayal trauma, rebuild trust, and cultivate secure, lasting connections. She is trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), integrating evidence-based methods with a compassionate, relational style.
Through her practice, podcast (Resilient Minds in Relationships), and digital resources, Kathryn’s mission is to help people discover resilience in the raw and messy parts of love, guiding them toward deeper healing, emotional safety, and thriving relationships.
When she isn’t in the therapy room or creating resources for couples, you can find her spending time with her family, lounging with her MaineCoons Sully and Oden, diving into her doctoral studies, or sharing practical tools for relationship health on Instagram @resilient_mind_counseling.
